moki

bathroom tile philosophy

I was sketching a train tunnel and that’s when I realised that’s all I really needed in my life.  A pencil and some paper. 

If I was dead broke and hungry, I know that I would be happy if I could draw.   I could be totally shit at what I was doing, but I’d love it anyway.

I feel stupid because happiness has been staring me in the face along.  This realisation has put me in an interesting position.  

I’m doing this course now that I dislike to ‘finish’, not because it is something I know that I’m meant to be doing.  My dilemma is do I quit now and resume doing what I love? Or try to finish?

I’ve been looking back and wondering where all my time has gone.  It seems swallowed up by some darkness, mindless days of day light sleeping and tv watching.  I’ve really approached this whole thing upside down.  Instead of doing what I love straight off I’ve been trying to find ways to support myself so then I can do what I love.  And needless to say this indirect path has caused some needless unhappiness over the last few years.

So my goal now is to try to move back onto the direct path and hopefully I’m going to get where I need to quicker. 

Back in high school I had this philosophy that life was like a bunch of bathroom tiles.  Yep, you heard right, bathroom tiles. I was looking at the gaps and lines between the tiles and thinking of them as paths.  And that it didn’t matter which line you took, how long it would take you or how lost you would get, you would still arrive at one of the four walls. The four walls are connected so it’s really one place you’re journeying to.  And ironically, you’ve always started where you needed to be.

I think I was alot wiser when I was young and have been exponentially getting dumber ever since.