5th
dissecting the mind
Looks like we’re going to have a group show in June which is not too far away.
We have to select a medium we’re not strong in so I’ve decided to do printmaking and possibly experiment with some digital stuff. The problem with experimenting with digital stuff is there is a high chance of turning out alot of amateurish stuff before getting to anything of quality. But I guess that’s just the way it works.
Am thinking it’d be nice to do some etchings or woodblock printing. Carve into some ply and get some wood grain into the prints. Physically hardwork printing, but I’m forseeing mess and a lot of fun.
Over these last few weeks I’m finding that I’m starting to swing back to my old roots. I’m not sure if the current path I’m on is the one for me and I think I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me to get off this ride.
It’s a battle between heart and mind. Being practical or following my instincts.
It’s about 14 weeks to go. So I’ve been plotting my escape. I feel as though I’ve been playing it safe, taking the round-about route than going where I need to go. I think I thought I had taken the plunge when I went to art school, but I think that was just dipping my toe in the water. A friend said, ‘self-doubt is a killer’ and this seemed to strike at the heart of my problem. I’m not sure what it is that’s holding me back. Maybe I fear I won’t make it, that I’ll have nothing important to say or if I do find something meaningful to say people ‘won’t get it’ or they’ll think it’s shit. When I say I’m afraid of ‘being unable to make it’ I’m describing a kind of finality, or a real death for me. So instead, I’ve been pulling back, stalling, which in itself is a kind of slower self-induced death.
I know that deep down I don’t want to live a life like other people, but I’m getting swept down that road.